Rogue State of Heart

Archive for May, 2009

Reputation or identity – What is so different about these two aspects of my life? Which is easier to shape and cultivate and control? Which do I live with an eye toward more? Which do I attend to more? Which is more important to me?

I reflected on these and other questions recently as I read through a chapter in Scot McKnight’s The Jesus Creed. The challenge we all face is whether we covet, cherish, and refine our reputation more than our identity. Because sometimes, the two can stand in stark contrast to each other; a life of faith may call us to lose the former to gain the latter. But can we rise to the call when the opportunity arises?

McKnight lays out an interesting observation: “Spiritual formation begins when we untangle reputation and identity, and when what God thinks of us is more important than what we think of ourselves or what others think of us.”

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Ever realize the things you do that don’t bother you in the least but leave others gagging for air? 

AP (May 11) - A fridge full of rotting food stank so badly that it sent seven workers to hospital - and sparked fears of a full-scale chemical attack. 

 

Hundreds of staff were evacuated from the AT&T office building in San Jose, California after the noxious odors caused people to vomit. 

 

The source of the toxic fumes was soon tracked down to several long-forgotten lunches left in a fridge on the second floor, with the foul smells wafting out when a well-intentioned cleaning lady set about the appliance with bleach.

 

Workers began vomiting as the smell of decomposing food blended with vapors from the chemicals and spread from cubicle to cubicle.

 

Meanwhile, the woman cleaning the fridge, who recently had surgery for a nasal allergy, was oblivious.

 

“She said she couldn’t smell a thing,” said Captain Barry Stallard, San Jose FD.

This was too good of a story to pass up. Since I wasn’t one of the hospitalized victims, I got a good chuckle out of it. Imagine that—doing something you find innocuous that sends other reeling.

As I reflected on that story, I found myself admitting that I do the same thing to others around me, especially close loved ones. Being selfish when I’m not aware of it, being critical enough for someone else to be hurt, being a jerk in an attempt to be witty or funny. Yes, my ability to offend knows no bounds.

The other message in this story: cleaning out the fridge is not fun—nor is cleaning out the heart. Trying to bring sense, order, and even freshness to a place that can hold the skankiest of toxins is just not a fun job. In fact, it can put a scare into us.

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You might be asking that question based on the name of my blog—or asking other questions like “what was he smoking?” Rest assured; the title was reasonably arrived at.

In a nutshell, life is just not that easy for us to decipher. It can be difficult, messy, and perplexing at times.

The greatest enigma we face, besides the plot lines of the TV show LOST, is the depth of the human heart. Frankly, it is beyond comprehension—and definitely beyond taming and controlling.

A prophet of long ago decried the same conclusion that the human heart is just a ‘mess waiting to happen’ (my translation). Another great theologian bemoaned his own state of duality by lamenting that the good he wanted to do, he didn’t—and the bad he sought to avoid and shun, he did. In my lexicon, it’s just another traveler discovering his own rogue state of heart.

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